Another Trip Around the Sun: This Year Brought More Insight Than Most

I made another trip around the sun, as I turned 52 this past weekend. 

I gave myself the best present this year, and one I truly needed: the gift of staying offline for four days, including social media. 

I needed to be still and create spaciousness, even though the anticipation to check all my birthday messages made it challenging. But, I knew I needed to honor that for myself, as so much has been dropping in. 

And, as I always take some time to reflect on the year completed, I found myself reflecting on a deeper and more profound level this time. 

The past year was tough. 

For most of this past year, I have felt like I have been straddling two worlds (the 3D and 5D frequencies) and stuck in a pretty thick sense of “liminal limbo” or as I like to refer to it: the “chrysalis goo”.

Energetically a lot has come to play. We have larger planets all shifting, creating mass imploding and the collapsing of the systems we’ve grown up in, along with everything we thought we knew is now unraveling. 

This is as it’s supposed to be … whether you follow the stars by tapping into astrology or even through the lens of Human Design (they way I tend to view things), we can see the intentionality in all that’s going on … even if it has sucked and is like a massive shitshow on steroids at this point.

The world is different. I’m different.

The way we’ve done everything is falling apart. Personally and professionally (especially as visionary leaders and entrepreneurs) we are being challenged to let go and to expand into bigger versions of ourselves. 

Meaning, we are being asked to let old identities and narratives die in order for a more enlightened and expansive version of who we are to emerge. 

Which brings me back to the chrysalis goo.

We are being catalyzed to let the catepillar liquify and die in order for the butterfly to emerge. If you know anything about the process of chrysalis, it’s actually a rather painful process, physically and metaphorically. 

To say that has been my reflection over this past year would be a mild understatement. It’s been a painful journey in so many ways as I get ready to break free from my cocoon and let the full span of my wings spread. 

Being in the Goo

As I mentioned, going through the process of chrysalis is not an easy one. 

I think we were taught growing up that a caterpillar simply goes to sleep then awakens only to be this beautiful butterfly. 

Trust me, that’s not exactly how that goes. It is actually an extremely painful process, where the caterpillar fully liquifies and lets go of its entire identity in order to be reborn as something completely new. 

We often are faced with these same types of transitions in our own lives. 

This has been my truth the past year. 

The prompts have shown up asking, often demanding, that I give up attachment to any identities I carry and die to my ego. 

This has been a challenging process as I carry the energy of attachment, codependency, and control in various aspects of my energetic blueprint. 

I’ll get to that in a moment … 

In the meantime, I want to highlight just a few of things that took me out this past year … and, have become tremendous opportunities to glean deeper insights into how I am wired and my next level unfolding.

Paralysis (and Rage) Took Me Out

I actually found myself paralyzed, where I couldn’t walk back in January.

Not once, but three times, my back seized up to the point where I was double over in so much pain I wasn’t able to make the distance between my bed and my bathroom.

Fortunately, each time, I was able to slow my energy down, breathe into the pain, and give myself the love and heart calibration I needed.

But, let me assure you … I was freaking out and scared shitless.

I have scoliosis and have always struggled with back pain. But, I usually have been able to manage it. I wasn’t sure what was happening this time.

In addition, I have been in the full throes of menopause. 

It was only when I dropped back into my body that I realized what was happening. I was storing massive amounts of emotional energy, particularly rage, in my system.

And, my body was shutting down, as a result.

I was angry at the world. At the lack of leadership and empathy. At the sense that the levels of entitlement, bullying, and bullshit were escalating. I was angry, sad, frustrated, and disappointed with humanity, as a whole.

And, I was raging.

So much so that my body went into to paralysis. It wasn’t able to hold the intensity of my rage, my grief, and my fear.

It was only through regulating and transmuting my emotions that I was able to find creative outlets for my emotions. It was through Heart coherence and calibration that I was able to reclaim my own power.

Accessing Deeper Levels of My Human Design

Now, as reflect on this past year, it’s also important to note that I am a 6/2 Emotional Manifesting Generator (in Human Design). My Chiron return began May 3, 2024 and I am in the transition of my third phase. 

I am descending “off the roof” and really getting to the edge of that chrysalis cocoon edge, ready to fully break free. 

My Chiron, which really activates this phase, along with deeper access into my North Node, carries with it an amplification on the attachment energy. 

So, when I say I really struggle in my shadow with getting overly attached, being a bit of a control freak, and finding myself in codependent patterns (even with myself and my own identify), I’m not kidding. 

I carry in my chart Gate 42 (the Gate of Completion, and where attachment lives) in two different placements (my unconscious Sun and my unconscious Venus). I also carry it in conscious Chiron. 

Thus, amplifying that energy three times in my design. 

In addition, I carry Gate 19 (the Gate of Sensitivity, and codependency) three times in my chart (all in my money lines) as it lives in my conscious Jupiter and my unconscious Jupiter and Mars. 

Add to that Gate 21 (the Gate of Resources, and the control freak energy), lives in conscious Mars (and resides in an undefined Ego). 

Just these energies alone create some interesting dynamics when you find yourself knee-deep in chrysalis goo. Pair that with everything else going in my chart … I have a lot of definition and six channels (two being format, and very big power energy) defined in my chart, as well. 

Not to mention, my Incarnation Cross is all about Cycles Knowing what needs to be completed in order to start anew. These has presented as a very big them for me this past year, and really since 2020. 

When I look at my North Node, I have both Gate 58 (the Gate of Vitality) on the conscious side of my chart, and Gate 38 (The Gate of the Fighter) on the unconscious side. My opportunity then is to really let joy be my compass for all that I do and how I make aligned decisions.

For, if it isn’t joyful or doesn’t provode opportunity to tap into joy from what matriculates, then it isn’t mine. And, when you add in the fughter energy, it’s about knowing which things are worth fighting for … not being engaged in every opportunity to fight. 

These are lessons that I have come face-to-face with multiple times this past year … and, are where I am learning to surrender more. 

Surrendering and Patience Are Not My Strong Suit

As a 6/2 Emotional Manifesting Generator, with a lot of definition and power energy in my design, I find I struggle with the notion of fully surrendering and being patience to stay in flow. 

It is part of my soul’s curriculum, for sure. 

As my Human Design teacher likes to say: “Manifesting Generators struggle with two things: patience and surrendering. For a Manifesting Generator will say ‘I’m surrendering and you have until Thursday, Universe.’ — and, proceeds to take the reins back when the Universe takes too long.”

I always feel so called out when she says that. 

But, learning patience, being in full surrender, and staying in the flow to trust Divine timing is everything. 

When I don’t get it right away, the Universe has a funny way of leveling me and stopping me all together. Take the paralysis I experience. Hard stop. 

So, another piece I am allowing to die is my need to control things and to take the reins whenever I start to get bored and antsy (yes, I have multiple markers for this energy in my chart, too). 

Spiritual Significance of the Number 52

Now, because uncovering hidden meanings and the energy, of well … everything, I did some research on the number 52. 

Apparently, it’s a rather powerful and significant number. 

The number 52 often signifies positive change and personal growth. It’s about creating deeper alignment with your soul’s truth and life path, while trusting your intuition to guide you in the right direction.

In some cultures, the number is refer to as a prophetic number, meaning the “Work of God”. And, in order to fully tap into the power of this number, one must be willing to step into deeper levels of courage and faith. 

If you look at the energy at play currently, those of us who are the visionaries, the intuitives, the rebels, and revolutionaries, sensing that we are here to lead something new and more expansive, we also are being prompted to step into our brave. 

For courage will be the pathway forward. 

It is through trusting our connection to Source, and aligning inspired action from the a place of sovereignty, that we are able to ;ead fully in this time of change and in the new era. 

I feel this to the depth of my core.

And, I’m ready for it. I’m ready to stand in the fullness of who I am, and who I am becoming … personally, professionally, and in my leadership. 

We are each on this planet as this moment for a reason. When we honor that, and we fully awaken, activate, and amplify our unique voice, we do just that. And, we lead our Living Legacy, as a result.