Emerging from the Chrysalis Goo and Expanding into My New Wings

I have intentionally been quiet the past two months, staying out of the fray and offline. In my silence, I have stayed completely off social media and allowed myself space to really breathe. That space for breath became more catalyzing than I could have ever imagined. It also gave me back a piece of me I didn’t even realize was missing.

I reclaimed my agency … and, my peace.

It became clear that my nervous system has taken on a load far too great to carry, and that endless consumption of the world’s demise was costing me far too much.

First, I didn’t go “dark” as a way to put my head in the sand. But rather, to honor the natural rhythm of my own energy AND to get ready for the deeper work calling.

Second, I’ve been doing deep work behind the scenes to ready myself for this next season. This has included moving through my Chiron Return, creating a strong ground ( to use a phrase I derived from Brené Brown’s new book … which I highly recommend) for myself, and resetting my nervous system.

In order to do this, I needed time away from mainstream energy and the heavy narrative that continues to be front-and-center …. the distractions, the surface-level nonsense, and the circular conversations.

So, not only did I take time away from social media, I also fully immersed myself in a full body metabolic and nervous system reset over the past month.

The shift since has been quantum level, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. I released 16 pounds of inflammation, stress, and weight my body no longer needs to hold onto as it no longer feels compelled to stay in survival mode.

In addition, I am clearer about my body of work than ever.

My journey these past two months, and truly this past year, have been nothing short of living dead-smack in the chrysalis goo. Now, as I am emerging from my cocoon, I am ready to share my experience as I start to feel into the magnitude of my new wings.

It was the end of last January (2025) that I woke up in partial paralysis. My back had completely seized up and I was in excruciating pain.

So much so that I found myself unable to move. I actually experienced this paralysis three times over the course of the following two-week period.

The paralysis and the pain were so bad that I honestly wasn’t sure a few times if I would be able to make it the bathroom in time. I was scared as it’s just me and Ernie, my sweet dog. There was no one to assist and I found myself needing to draw upon myself. In those moments, I found myself connecting deeply to my breath.

As I took long slow, calming breaths, I was able to ground myself and my body, reclaim some use of my legs, and shuffle to move from my bed to my bathroom.

Instead, it was actually energy stuck inside my body.

Now at 52, I found myself repeating a similar cycle.

What I came to realize is aside from just overconsumption and being plugged in constantly to the barrage of news and shit shows going on, I also was holding onto a tremendous amount of bottled up rage in my body. I was still reeling from the outcome of the presidential election that previous fall and had been just overloading my body over-and-over again with no release ever since, as a result.

To say the first part of 2025 was challenging would be the ultimate understatement … it nearly took me out, repeatedly. And, the depth of this misalignment, not only took a toll on my body and my nervous system, but also my mental, emotional, financial, and spiritual capacity and wellbeing. It’s a wonder I did completely crash out.

I spent the first half of the year burning things to the ground, stripping layers away, and allowing myself the spaciousness to rebuild from a more ground, connected, and centered place of alignment. It wasn’t easy and most of the time … it hurt like hell.

Yet, somehow I trusted my own knowing and eventually gave into the process itself. A full surrender was the only way through … I conceded and let Source take the reins.

As I leaned in and allowed myself to fully surrender, I start to feel big releases of energy and hope being restored. I was able to get my legs and feet grounded under me heading into the summer season, and things began to gradually shift.

I could feel myself dropping back into alignment, little by little.

Then, the week before before Thanksgiving, I felt a shift. A download really … an inner calling that hit me to my core. It was that Monday, and I was feeling all the stuff. I was emotional and just wanting to curl up into the fetal position.

I was feeling all my stuff, all the energy in the world, and I was exhausted. I wanted to hide, to retreat, and just quit everything. Then, I felt ( a knowing more than actually heard) a voice that simply said, “ I’m done.”

Followed up by a deeper knowing ( and voice) that said, “ I am done with this story. I am done with this narrative. And, I am done with this belief that I must survive. Cry it out, scream it out … but, as of today, I’m done.”

I felt something profound shift and crack open in me in that moment.

Energy changed, my vibration shifted, my reality got clearer, and I fully dropped into my being-ness. It’s the moment I felt myself fully emerge from the “chrysalis goo”.

The next day as I was walking Ernie, I had this feeling wash over me and got the most beautiful vision. I could see the magnitude and magnificence of my wings behind me. I felt them … and, for the first time, I wasn’t scared. I was emboldened and grounded. I felt the knowing growing stronger, and my true voice start to take form.

It was as if a veil lifted, and I could finally see through the fog. I called new opportunities to me immediately and found myself stepping into a different kind of power: my sovereignty … and, my agency.

My aura changed, my voice changed, and the language coming from me was different … stronger, yet softer, somehow. I could feel the depth of a higher frequency and vibration expressing through me, all while a stillness was so powerfully present.

I feel a grounding in my body that wasn’t there before.

As is the way of the Universe, nothing happens by accident. It’s all part of our journey and the choices we make along the way. These catalytic, or defining, moments often change us forever. Leaving us expanded and evolved into new truths.

That has been the case for me since I received my download. More and more things have just fallen into place and aligned with an easy synchronicity. It’s been serendipitous how magical and opening the world has been around me.

Such that, in the midst of my emergence from my own cocoon, I was invited to take part of a full body metabolic and nervous system reset that was designed to recalibrate things on a 4D level: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

I can’t imagine anything that could have been more aligned, and it was an easy “yes” for me to fully immerse myself in the process.

The reset has been life-changing. Not only have I released 16 pounds of inflammation, stress, and weight my body no longer needs to feel safe in a little over three weeks, I feel more grounded, more centered, as well as being more energized.

It’s the first time I can remember being this at ease in my own body. The journey over this past month surprised me in how easy it actually was. I didn’t starve myself, or punish myself … I simply honored myself on a more connected level.

In doing so, I’ve come to learn to trust my body and intuition on an entirely different and deeper level, and feel as if I’ve finally come back home to myself.

What I am finding as I continue to move through my own soul curriculum is this: as we work through the layers of our own conditioning and programming that we learned in the morning of our lives, we will find ourselves coming back home to the truth of who we are and how we are designed to serve in the afternoon and evening of our lives.

It’s is through our wounding and messiness that we find our medicine.

I’m not going to sugar coat things or lie to you … this work has been gruelling at times. And, it also has been deeply worth the investment of time, money, and energy. Being able to access your medicine as a healer, an instrument for change, is powerful.

What came through loudly and clearly for me is this: I’m done.

I’m done playing small, playing by someone else’s rules, and performing in any way.

I also know that the call for leadership is massive, and that in order to build new systems and lead from a place of deeper empathy, compassion and grace that this also requires establishing a strong ground and calm nervous system.

With that, I am choosing to create and honor sacred spaces where I can go deeper in this leadership work. To rewrite a new narrative that changes the old model and paradigm … and, build new inclusive systems designed for everyone.

I recognize that social media is not designed to hold those conversations.

The real work happens in real connection and containers where we can lean in together to create deeper intimacy, trust, and genuine engagement.

The work I am called to do also is going much deeper. It’s about guiding leaders back home to their own agency, their own sovereignty, and alignment with their unique energetic blueprint. As we co-create together, we are establishing strong grounds where our nervous systems can breathe, and we can lead from a place of truth, real connection, and centeredness.

For, it’s only in going deep that we can quiet the noise and truly shift the narrative.

I’m done with surface-level anything. I know in my soul that I am designed for depth, with simplicity … and, this is a season for strength with softness and purpose with spaciousness. This is a season to connect and partner with those individuals who seek real transformation, one steeped in meaning and that creates more sustainable ecosystems, all while building conscious cultures and communities.

The time is now.

I am planting the seeds for a pathway forward as the incoming fire horse energy meets us next week. While it will be a time for action and initiation, it needs to be inspired action from a place grounded in our own natural rhythms that allows the divine feminine warrior energy to meet us with the divine masculine, where we can truly begin to lead with love, from love.

I am all in on this journey. I wonder … are you? 

Originally published at https://candybarone.substack.com.