Sometimes … They Might Just Need a Pajama Day

I was in Milwaukee a couple of weeks ago delivering training for Northwestern Mutual and had extended my trip to see spend some time with friends (I moved from Milwaukee down to Austin a little over 12 years ago, after living there for 20+ years).

And, by sheer luck, I was able to catch up with an old friend I hadn’t seen in years.

As we were catching up, she starting sharing with me how her daughter, who had just started high school, was struggling with some anxiety … as I imagine is the case with many kids right now, especially those entering into middle school and high school.

I mentioned the work I do in Human Design, and how I help people understand their innate wiring and how they operate. One of the things I look for when assessing someone’s chart is where underlying fears might be triggered and where patterns for anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues might reside.

This peaked my friend’s interest … the more she confided in me, the more I began to ask questions based on what I thought her daughter’s chart might tell me.

Then, I offered to run her daughter’s chart to see if my initial assessment was right.

As it turns out, it was. You see, I have a bit of a intuitive knack of seeing people’s Human Design chart even before actually running it … and, this time was no different.

Her daughter is a 3/5 Emotional Projector.

So, the first thing we explored was that her daughter has a different way of showing up in the world. She takes in a lot of energy and needs more space for rest.

At some point in our conversation, I mentioned that she might want to encourage her daughter to have a weekly “pajama day” … a day where she can literally just hang out in her pajamas for the entire day without any scheduled activities, appointments, or demanding expectations for the day (including chores).

My friend likes this idea. In fact, she immediately felt a resonance for her daughter and expressed that she thought her daughter might really appreciate that.

I love that when I checked in with my friend after returning back to Austin to see how things were going, the first thing she shared was that she did offer her daughter to take a “pajama day” that Saturday and was completely astonished with the result.

“She was like an entirely different person … refreshed, excited, and full of life. She was more herself than she has been in a long time.”

Because as a Projector, she needs a tremendous amount of space for rest and restoration. Her daughter needs to truly be able to disengage completely from the world and discharge the build-up of energy she takes in.

Otherwise, this often leads to extreme bitterness, resentment … and, even deep bouts of depression and anxiety, along with a diminishing sense of self-worth.

Often Projectors find themselves in environments where rest is not allowed or their need for time alone is harshly criticized or judged. They tend to live in families with lots of Generator type energy which is more “go, go, go” (though, this type also needs rest, but if tends to look very different).

As a result, many Projectors are labeled as lazy or needy … instead of honoring that their energy is different. They are teased by other family members, which can lead to a desire to “keep up” and further burn themselves out.

In addition, many Projector children find themselves in too many extracurricular activities, too. This is likely not correct or aligned for them.

When you can really recognize the needs of a Projector child, you are able to be a stronger advocate for them and what they need, both at school and at home.

We also discussed how her daughter had markers for extreme emotions, intensity, mood swings, and melancholy. One of her opportunities is in learning how to be with all those feelings without shame, judgement, or criticism from herself or others.

She feels a lot. She is meant to … making her sensitivity and passion one of her many superpowers. Another superpower being “failure” … she is meant to try things on.

With her Line 3 in her profile, she needs space to experiment, to play in the laboratory of life itself, and to live her life by testing and trying things on. She needs permission to fail … often and a lot, exploring what doesn’t work in order to figure out what does.

She needs to know often what doesn’t work in order to figure out what does.

She is not here to get it right the first time … or even the second or third time. She is here to make “mistakes” or what we perceive are mistakes or errors.

She is designed to be in the arena, to get messy, and to remember that perfection is the enemy of great. It’s through trial-and-error that she learns.

Which also means she needs more hands-on, interactive, real tangible learning environments. She needs to touch things, break things, and blow stuff up. If she is forced to simply study from books all the time, she won’t be able to get the deepest learning she desires or needs … as there is no opportunity for integration.

With her Line 5 in her profile, she also has amplified projected energy … which means she will rub some people the wrong way.

This often is referred to as the “witch wound” energy as people tend to either want to make her their savior or demonize her … her energy sees things and provokes.

The put her on a pedestal when she shows up the way they want or solves/fixes their problems for them. They want to “burn her at the stake” when she doesn’t. She carries with her the ability to see the solution to a problem.

Line 5 energy is the visionary leader. They see and amplify the potential of others … but, so often people aren’t ready to “see” their truth or take responsibility for it. This is the way of the Line 5 (also known as the Heretic).

The other thing I highlighted for my friend was that her daughter is here to “disrupt” and push against the status quo. Which was kind of funny, as my friend mentioned she was shocked at how her daughter responded to someone recently … and, that she felt she needed to rein her in a bit on the way she communicated.

I had to suppress my laughter as I knew exactly why. When I shared that with my friend, she could feel the magnitude of my words …

With her Line 5 as her unconscious energy in her profile, along with the fact that she carries Channel 51–25 in her chart this is a big energy for her daughter (not to mention, she has some additional markers that highlight this theme).

When I pointed that out and offered that part of what her daughter is here to teach her is how to speak up more and when (and how) to push against things … especially in spaces where the expectation is that she be “nice” or passive. Her daughter is here to shock people awake and hold up a projection field to show them what’s possible.

Her daughter is here to say the things that will shock others awake. She will be strong and assertive in her sense of truth, identity, and direction for her life. She sees where, collectively, we are not living in alignment … and, is her to poke at that.

That’s when we both laughed … as my friend knew this was the truth.

Her daughter will provoke some people simply by walking into a room with her Line 5 energy. Rather than trying to hold her back, my friend realizes that it’s more about teaching her daughter discernment to know when and how to appropriately provoke.

And, that as her parent … her greatest opportunity is to be her daughter’s advocate.

Now, while I could go on and on about all the other things I see in her daughter’s chart, the information I shared provided a great foundation to acknowledge what my friend has always known and felt to be true about her daughter.

Not only was she able to validate her daughter’s energy, but also her own observation of it. Talk about an empowering energy as a parent. She is able to offer her daughter a deeper, more aligned level of support, understanding, and nurturing.

Like the way she offered her daughter a “pajama day.”

My friend has take the insights I offered her, discussed them with her daughter, and together they are setting up a new environment for her to thrive.

She also has shared these insights with her daughter’s therapist to offer a different lens on how they all can better navigate her anxiety.

She now has more tools to parent her day in a way that feels more supportive, where she feels she really can see her daughter and understand her better … especially as she’s the youngest in a house full of defined Sacral energy from both her parents and her brothers (all Generators and Manifesting Generators).

We even were able to explore her relationships with her brothers and where there’s synergies versus where there’s potential. When she is seen, recognized, and appreciate, the energy feels good, safe, and inspiring to her.

When she’s not, that’s when there’s friction and the bitterness sets in.

Lastly, it opened up a really rich conversation between my friend and her husband, and in the way they both get to support their daughter at this critical point in her development on a deeper level. I love the way they are leaning in.

You can truly create powerful strategies, both as a parent and as a leader, in how you support either your child (or team) and in understanding their innate wiring.

By understanding how your energy works first, you get to see how you show up in your own energy and how your energy impacts other.

From there, you then can intentionally create safe, nurturing environments that support those you care most about in the process.

You are able to see the underlying mechanics and energetic dynamics at play.

This is the power of Human Design. It extends way past all the memes and surface-level understanding you often see on social media that’s become a bit mainstream.

When we go deeper into understanding the patterns, conditioning, and stories we carry that keeps us stuck in cycles of shoulding, shaming, and unwarranted expectations, we are able to be more intentional about how we show up, how we serve and support others, and how we nurture the relationships that matter.

This is the essence of leadership … to which, parenting is a leadership model.

When we learn how we are wired, and then extend our understanding to those around us, we are able to truly make others feel seen, heard, valued, and appreciated.

This is how we creates sacred, safe spaces at home … and, at work.

When we are able to build better bonds, create deeper intimacy, and open up better ways to connect and engage together, we all win. We are able to thrive in our own natural energy and rhythm, and feel deeply supported in the process.

For how we work, rest, and play best is a function on our individual design. As is how we interact with the world and others. We each have an operating plan all our own.

Imagine the power of truly “seeing” your child. And, in being able to be their advocate.

In doing so, when you lean in and take a closer look … you might find that they (or you) might just need a “pajama day”.

Curious to access your Human Design, or your child’s chart? Then, be sure to grab your FREE Human Design chart + FREE Summary report here:

FREE Human Design Chart + Summary Report

Originally published at https://candybarone.substack.com.