The Foundation of Trust is Built Brick by Brick

I want to share a story: I had been hired for a brand new position and taken on a new leadership role.

Shortly after coming onboard, I inherited the first team member for the new team I was accountable to lead. For the purposes of confidentiality, let’s call her, “Maggie”.

Maggie was a junior employee who truly had grown up in the company’s culture (and system) and, to be honest, was a bit “broken” when she became my direct report. Her prior manager had left her damaging mark.

I can remember my first one-to-one meeting with Maggie like it was yesterday …

She sat across from me in my office, extremely quiet, meek, scared, and unable to make eye contact with me. She was completely shut down.

I can’t say that I blamed her, either. Her previous manager was a narcissist, tyrant, and bully. This was a known fact in our department, and one that ultimately forced the hand of my boss to let her go … after many attempts at coaching and strategies.

Back to Maggie. Across my desk I witnessed the shell of a person sitting before me. She looked so lost and fearful of her pending fate. I knew I had to create a space where she could learn to trust me and let her guard down.

In preparation for our first meeting, I had made a copy of her last performance review. It was horrible, and actually fringed on the edge of being downright mean. I knew just by looking at Maggie that this was something she internalized deeply.

So, I had to get creative … to lean in, and lead from compassion and with grace.

I put her performance review on the desk between us. I could visibly see her cringe, as I am sure she memorized every damning word within the document. I looked at her softly, and said, “ I don’t care what it says in this review … “

Maggie looked up, just barely, to see if I was joking or being cruel. I continued, “ This is just one person’s opinion, and one I am inclined to ignore. You see, I don’t know you. I don’t know the quality of your work or your character. And, while it would be easy for me to just take these comments at face value … that’s not how I operate. “

She let out a slight sigh.

“ While this is one opinion, I also hear rumors that you are some kind of rockstar and quite gifted in the realms of communications and creative ingenuity. I personally am curious to see what that looks like. Because, you have a choice. You get to decide which version of you that you’d like me to see … whatever it says here, or what others have to say about you. “

And, then I took the copy of the performance review and I torn into pieces.

Maggie looked at me stunned. The shock value got her attention and she looked at me with a bit of curiosity and apprehension. My guess is she was wondering, “ Am I being set up ?”

I proceeded to tell her that I wanted to set up both regular one-to-one check-in meetings, along with monthly development meetings. I am a big proponent for ongoing, consistent development meetings that are separate from task-oriented one-to-one meetings.

Real development meetings are a lost art for most organizations, and one I tend to coach them heavily on building a regular rhythm around.

Needless to say, Maggie did not just jump onboard and trust me immediately. It was a painful process at first, and one I found myself needing to take a tremendous amount of care and time to prepare for both types of meetings we had scheduled.

Finally, after four months, the dam broke … and, so did Maggie. In one of our development meetings when I was holding a sacred container for her, with a lot of patience and accountability, I asked her a question that just hung in the air. She simply sat quiet and gave no response … so, I waited. And then, waited some more.

After about 20 minutes of sitting in silence, she asked if our meeting was over. I replied, “ No, I am still waiting for your response .”

That’s when she broke down. She started crying. And, I just let her.

I didn’t rush her … or, do anything really. I simply held space for her to process, to grieve, and to realize that she could truly trust me.

She began to open up. She spoke all the things that had been bottled up over the past year (and probably longer) … her fears, her shame, and her uncertainty. I let her shared at her pace and listened. I cancelled my meeting after hers to allow more time and space for her to really breathe, and for us to clear the emotions and energy.

Once we did, I saw her demeanor begin to shift. She was more relaxed, more confident, and for the first time she looked me square in the eye. Progress.

The next eight months of our first year working together felt entirely different. I saw the rockstar so many had told me about. I saw a fire that hadn’t been lit in a really long time.

Maggie eventually ended up taking over my entire communications plan for the department. She was, without a doubt, my #1 rockstar on my team. I relied on her for everything once we got into our rhythm.

The more I leaned in, the more trust she gave, the more magic happened.

She was brilliant. And, her ideas were creative, innovative, and far beyond what I would have ever come up with. She was blossoming and evolving into a critical part of my team.

As performance reviews were coming up at year end, I was requested by my superiors to identify my top talent within my team. Of course, Maggie was my top employee.

I was met with resistance when I gave her name for an “E” (exceptional rating). She was a junior level employee, and “E” ratings weren’t given at that level.

Side note: do not get me started on how ridiculous I think the “rack and stack” and performance review system is for most companies … it’s utter nonsense and bullshit.

Anyway, I persisted. Both my boss and our executive VP kept pushing back. I told them I would put my “E” rating on the line (which I knew I was up for, as my team was outperforming all others in our department by a huge margin).

Maggie deserved to be recognized.

When asked who on my team rose to the occasion, pushed past their own limitations and growth edge, and truly stepped up in massive ways in their own skills and leadership … hands down, Maggie was the one.

They finally conceded and agreed to have my back as we submitted Maggie’s name for an “E” rating. And, man, did they fight for me (and her).

I will never forget sitting across from Maggie sharing the news that she just received an “E” rating and was getting a raise. I cried. She cried. We cried together.

Never in my 20 years in corporate did I have another moment that touched me as deeply as that. I am even crying now reflecting back and sharing this story.

For, this is the power of real leadership.

Leadership is about leaning in, connecting with your people, and lifting them up in their own gifts, capabilities, and capacities. It’s about building teams that shine … and, surrounding yourself with individuals smarter and brighter than you.

Your job is to elevate them into their own potential and greatness.

This notion that, as a leader, your team must learn to trust you is misguided … and steeped with a “power over” mentality. It’s based in fear and insecurity. Before your team can trust you … you must first trust them. This doesn’t happen with words, it happens in how you choose to show up, it how you walk your talk, and in what you demonstrate to them daily.

Conscious cultures don’t happen by accident, or by a script. They are the result of leaning in with intention and humility, and leading with compassion and grace.

My guess … you have more Maggie’s on your team than you realize. Imagine what might be possible if you took the time to really invest in their growth to help them rise in their potential. You might find you have hidden gems buried right underneath your nose.

It’s time to excavate those jewels. To unleash the hidden rockstars. This is the work I do with organizations and teams every day. This is the real work that builds strong cultures of trust, engagement, empathy, loyalty, and accountability. This is the ultimate performance metric.

Because, fundamentally, leadership is a choice … and, a function of three things:

• how you to choose to show up
• how you choose to serve
• how you choose to take personal responsibility inside those two spaces

Leadership is also function of the quality of the relationships you cultivate, nurture, and grow. Leadership is relational first. Without that, there is no leadership.

The biggest investment you can make is in your people … and, I assure you from experience (mine and from the clients I work with) that it also is your greatest ROI.

Candy Barone is a highly sought-after, strategic, transformational executive advisor for high-impact founders and leaders who want to build trust-rich teams and conscious cultures that actually sustain growth. She is also the creator of the Leadership by Design™ ecosystem, the Relational Positioning System (RPS)™, and Culture COMPASS™.

Candy blends Human Design, relational intelligence, and 30+ years of executive leadership expertise to help teams communicate clearly, reduce tension and conflict, and build cultures that last. She guides leaders to understand their innate wiring, dissolve friction at the root, and co-create environments where people feel seen, safe, and supported.

If you know your business is only as strong as your relationships, and you’re ready to build a culture that reflects that truth, she can guide the way. When you’re ready to revolutionize how your people lead and live, she’s your next call.

Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com.