Alignment Is Not About Becoming Anything; It's Actually About Un-Becoming and Un-Learning A Lot

by candy barone Apr 01, 2024

We live in a world of more and better. That includes how we approach our healing and expansion, as well. Just look at social media. We glorify this constant need for improvement and becoming “better” versions of ourselves, as if somehow we are damaged or broken. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am a big proponent of doing the actual work you need to heal your stuff. But, I also recognize that this incessant need to keep working on ourselves, every minute or every day, is exhausting. And, it’s doing more damage than good. 

For starters, you are not broken. Never were and never will be. There are areas to heal, to grow, and to challenge yourself to step into a higher version of yourself, sure … however, you are not damaged goods.

We need to stop putting so much pressure on ourselves to be something different than who we truly are. We need to lean in, versus trying to hustle for more of something. We need to practice greater grace and compassion for ourselves and others, in the process. 

Alignment isn’t merely about accumulating new skills or qualities; nor is it a function of some external validation or sense of approval from others. Rather, it’s a deeper process of actually un-becoming and un-learning what no longer serves us, and to begin to decondition away from all the programming that feds our “not enough” narrative and keeps us playing small. It’s letting go of all the anxiety around doing, and embracing the peace and joy of just being. It’s in our being-ness that we evolve. 

As will dig deeper into the notion of becoming aligned, let’s also explore the transformative power of shedding old layers and releasing limiting beliefs in our journey for inner peace and fulfillment.

What Is Alignment?

Alignment is a sense of correct positioning. It refers to a state of harmony and congruence between our inner selves and external actions. It’s about living authentically, in line with our values, passions, and purpose. It’s summons us to walk our talk, and respond with and from integrity. 

When aligned, we experience a sense of flow, ease, calm, and a more grounded sense of purpose in everything we do. We are at peace with our truth, with the full authentic expression of who we truly are.

We no longer fight within our own minds and bodies. In this state, we are able to be still, to lean in, and listen to our inner voice and wisdom. We are then able to tap into an innate sense of knowing and intuition.

Letting Go of the Need to Fix Everything

We perpetuate a myth that personal growth is somehow a linear journey of constantly becoming more, doing more, achieving more, and acquiring more. This mindset creates a never-ending cycle of striving, pushing, hustling, grinding, and leads to overwhelming dissatisfaction, as a result,. 

When we chase external markers of success without pausing to consider if they align with our true selves, we leave ourselves raw, overwhelmed, stressed, and burnout. We disassociate from our lives, in that case. 

Our well-being suffers, as does that of our relationships and our impact. We do work, but it’s often work for the sake of work, creating only more busy. We fill every crevice of our time doing more work. Thus, leaving no space to dream, to imagine, to play, and to simply be. 

We lose tough with the essence of who we are. We berate ourselves and self-deprecate, never thinking what we are doing is enough. In all honesty, never thinking we are enough. It’s an endless loop, and we are nothing more than a hamster running on a wheel chasing our own tails. 

And, we wonder why so many people are checked out. Why too many individuals feel lost. We seek our purpose and yearn to find meaning. Yet, what we lose sight of is we already have access to that inside ourselves. 

You are your purpose. It’s not something to be found outside. It doesn’t require endless amounts of healing work for you to be worthy of your gifts, your talent, your light. Meaning comes when we are in service to others. It’s about showing up in our lives from where we are in this very moment. 

Un-Becoming: Shedding the Shoulding and Shaming

Un-becoming involves shedding layers of conditioning, programming, expectations, and identities that we’ve accumulated over time. It’s about peeling back the masks we wear to fit in or to meet others’ expectations of who they think we are, allowing our authentic selves to emerge.

It requires we letting go of all the shoulding and shaming we do all over ourselves. This twisting ourselves into various pretzels only to appease someone else’s idea of who we are, and how that benefits them.

Un-becoming also means we need to stop being nice. We need to step into kindness instead. Kindness comes from compassion, generosity, and grace. It’s a function of love at it’s highest form. Nice, on the other hand, is demeaning and keeps us playing small. It creates unnecessary pathways that demand we need further healing and work to be done. 

For example, un-becoming could mean letting go of a career path that no longer brings you joy and fulfillment, even if it’s what you’ve been conditioned to pursue. It’s letting go of the shoulding and perceived disappointment from others. It means rising above the shame, the story we’re stuck in, and rewriting our own narrative. 

It could also involve releasing the need for external validation, approval, and acceptance, and embracing self-acceptance, self-love, and opting for inner peace instead. 

Un-Learning: Releasing Limiting Beliefs

Un-learning is the process of questioning everything and releasing limiting beliefs that hold us back. These beliefs often stem from past experiences, our lineage, experiences, cultural conditioning, or negative self-talk. 

Common limiting beliefs include the story we carry that tells us: “I’m not good enough,” “Success requires sacrifice,” “No pain, no gain,” or “I must always please others and don’t want rock the boat.”

To un-learn these beliefs, we must cultivate a deep sense of self-worth and self-awareness, where we then can challenge these negative thoughts and replace them with empowering beliefs. 

This process of un-learning can be uncomfortable and challenging, but aso highly reqarding, and even a little fun. Part of the narrative we can shift is the idea that this has to be hard … this path to alignment. 

Becoming Aligned AF — Living Your Authentic Truth

Embracing the journey of alignment means accepting that it’s not always a smooth or linear path. It’s a dynamic pathway. One that shifts, and moves, and evolves as we navigate our challenges and our experiences. 

It involves moments of uncertainty, discomfort, and introspection. It means we often need to sit in our vulnerability. However, it’s through these challenges that we grow and expand into our most authentic selves.

Here are some of the tools I have found useful in my journey of un-becoming ann un-learning to open up my path to becoming aligned AF:

1) Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the ability to introspectively understand one’s thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and motivations. It involves being conscious of how we perceive ourselves and how others perceive us, without getting lost in the notion that we are here to be who others want us to be. 

Self-awareness is crucial for personal growth and alignment because it allows us to identify our strengths, weaknesses, values, and beliefs. It helps us recognize patterns in our thoughts and behaviors, enabling us to make conscious choices aligned with our true selves.

Strategies for Cultivating Self-awareness:

  • Reflection: Set aside time regularly to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Journaling can be a powerful tool for self-reflection.
  • Contemplation: Practice observing your thoughts and emotions without judgment. Give yourself space for questions and insights to ruminate to see what resonates most. Be with what presents. 
  • Journaling: Especially in the form of free writing or autmatic writing, where you ask yourself a question and then allow what wants to be voiced to channel through you.
  • Self-assessment Tools: For me, this is where Human Design fits in. When we understand our innate wiring and individual operating plan, through the lens of our energetic blueprint, we then have the insight to better understand how we make decisions and what truly feels aligned.
  • Seek Support: Surround yourself with those who feel safe, who really see you. This (likely) small group of individuals not only support you, they also help you see your blind spots. They challenge you to rise in your own expansion and be the full expression of your gifts and light. 

2) Mindfulness Practices

Mindfulness involves being fully present and aware of the present moment without judgment. You simply play the witness, observing with a childlike curiosity. You simply focus on accepting thoughts, feelings, and sensations as they arise, rather than trying to control or suppress them.

Mindfulness practices are beneficial for cultivating self-awareness, reducing stress, rising above imposter syndrome, improving focus, and enhancing overall well-being. These practices help us develop a deeper connection with ourselves, and thus, the world around us.

Strategies for Incorporating Mindfulness Practices:

  • Meditation: The ability to really slow down, both your mind and your nervous system, is key Stillness allows space for downloads, growth, and expansion. Start slowly, and build momentum as you grow. 
  • Mindful Breathing: Practice deep breathing exercises from your core to anchor yourself in the present moment and calm your mind.
  • Body Scan: Check in with your body — it’s your best friend. It has a lot to share with you as to your own well-being. Conduct regular body scans to tune into physical sensations and release tension from those areas.
  • Mindful Eating: Pay attention to the sensory experience of eating, focusing on taste, texture, and aroma. Slow down, savor, enjoy. 
  • Mindful Movement: Engage in mindful movement practices such as yoga, tai chi, or walking meditations to connect mind and body. We tend to get stuck if we keep our body stagnant for too long. Let your body be your channel for energy to flow freely. 

3. Nurturing Soul-level Relationships

Soul-level relationships are deep, meaningful connections that go beyond surface interactions and small talk. They involve mutual understanding, empathy, and support on an emotional, spiritual, and intellectual level.

Nurturing these relationships is absolutely critical for one’s personal growth and alignment as they provide a deep sense of belonging, authentic connections, and emotional nourishment. Soul-level relationships help to foster safe spaces for self-expression, vulnerability, and growth.

Strategies for Nurturing Soul-level Relationships:

  • Active Listening: Cultivate active listening skills by being present and fully focusing on the other person without interruption or judgement. Show empathy and validate their feelings. 
  • Authentic Communication: Practice open, honest, trusting, and empathetic communication with loved ones. Share your thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities authentically. Put yourself in others’ shoes and strive to understand their perspectives, feelings, and experiences.
  • Quality Time: Make time for meaningful interactions with loved ones. Engage in activities that foster connection and shared experiences. Give of your presence and energy when you do. 
  • Boundaries: Set healthy boundaries in relationships to protect your well-being and honor your needs and values. As Brené Brown says, “Clarity is kind.” Having well-established boundaries and expectations are kind.
  • Gratitude: Express gratitude and appreciation for the people who uplift and support you. Celebrate milestones, experiences, learnings, and cherish moments of connection.

By incorporating these strategies into your life, you can deepen your self-awareness, cultivate mindfulness, and nurture soul-level relationships, ultimately leading to greater alignment, fulfillment, and well-being.

The rewards one receives from being aligned AF is both profound and multifaceted. When we align with our true selves, we experience greater fulfillment, authenticity, and inner peace. We make decisions that align with our core values and sense of purpose, leading to more meaningful relationships, career satisfaction, greater impact, and overall well-being.

Alignment isn’t a destination but an ongoing journey of self-discovery and growth. It’s also one where we are asked to learn how to practice, what I refer to as, space and grace. We need to be kinder, gentler, and more compassionate with ourselves and others as we navigate this thing called life. It’s not about always being in the work, but rather allowing ourselves rooms to dance and play with all of it. 

As we continue to un-become and un-learn, we uncover new layers of our authentic selves and align with our evolving aspirations and purpose.

By shedding old layers and releasing limiting beliefs, letting go of the endless shoulding and shaming, we align with our true selves and experience greater fulfillment and authenticity. 

Our opportunity is to embrace the process of un-becoming and un-learning as integral parts of our personal growth journey. Are you ready to become aligned AF with your true self and unlock your full potential?

Be sure to access my FREE e-book: How to Recognize, Reframe, and Rise Above Imposter Syndrome

Also, if you would like to delve into exploring your Human Design, you can schedule a reading with me here: Human Design Reading with Candy


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