Sometimes I feel like “burnout” is the ultimate business bingo word these days. It seems like it’s used as a description for everything, and I feel as if we have created a culture that’s actually crazy addicted to it.
Addicted to the burnout, itself; and also being addicted to all the ways we “take the edge off,” as a result.
We justify it, rationalize it, and we hold onto it like a crutch. We lose ourselves in the idea that “Well, that’s just life and what’s required.”
We sell our souls to the companies we work for, and the notion that you have to hustle and grind in order to be successful. We allow imposter syndrome to rear its head, making us feel like we have to push harder, work harder, and stay in the cycle of ongoing busy to earn our worthiness.
We have become so disillusioned, desensitized and numb to burnout, that we’ve created new levels. More damning and damaging levels. As I expressed with my clients, there are three levels showing up:
- What I will refer to as “common burnout” — the type of burnout that I’d argue most everyone (especially in the U.S.) has experienced on some level at some point in their lives, and likely rather recently.
- Next, there is the level I call “the fumes” — the space just beyond common burnout that gets us coexisting on a hamster wheel of depression and disengagement that feels a lot like living Groundhog’s Day over-and-over again on repeat.
- Lastly, there is what I claim to be the “black abyss” — that dangerous slippery slope of despair that has you feeling like you are hanging onto the side of the mountain by a mere thread, or by the tip of a fingernail, and that a mere light breeze will take you down.
I know all three phases far too well. In fact, it was when I found myself in the black abyss that I had my biggest rock bottom moment … which literally found me in the hospital with a mass I had manifested in my chest.
That last phase of burnout, unfortunately, is where more and more of us are ending up. It’s why mental health issues and suicide are on the rise … and, at a rapid rate, I might add.
We live in a culture that expects us to dance and perform (like little wind-up toys) between these three levels, and then it has the audacity to gaslight us into believing that this is a requirement for success, and we are weak if we can’t navigate ourselves powerfully in these murky waters.
We live in a constant hyperbole of contradiction.
“Suck up,” our culture browbeats into us. “Stop complaining and count your blessings,” is the messaging on replay. “Be grateful for what you got,” echos on the loudspeaker throughout the community.
“If you can’t keep up, that’s on you. Other people can handle this stress and this workload just fine. You are think you are special and entitled. I bet you never did any real work in your life.”
And on and on, the messaging prevails.
Sometimes it’s subtle and subconscious. Other times it’s the shame story we see amplified on every social media platform … more, more, more.
This messaging is also extremely prevalent in business.
I am amazed how many organizations I work with that have some underlying message throughout their culture that supports this kind of burnout. And, this form of gaslighting.
Hell, it’s actually their rally cry, oftentimes.
And, what’s even worse, is many of those same companies carry the belief that time-off and vacation time is a luxury and a benefit their employees should be grateful for.
When it actuality, time off should be a requirement, a non-negotiable, as it is the only way for an organization, and it’s people, to be healthy, create real WELLth, and perform at their best level to do their best work.
No, instead, they “let” people carry vacation time over into the next year … knowing full well they will never use it. When time off is requested, often there is a feeling of guilt for leaving the job, and the team hanging … and, many find themselves plugged in (and expected to be) when they are gone.
I can remember back during my corporate days, when I requested time off at the end of the year, having a bit of a challenging conversation with my then boss. Who informed that I couldn’t the time off because I was needed to move some projects out that were a priority. (Everything was a priority).
When I made it extremely clear that I either was taking the time off then, or I would be taking it at the end of the year (when it was even more critical as I was instrumental in rolling up our numbers for the business), my boss balked. We had a policy that you would lose vacation if you didn’t take it. Though, most opted for that … because the culture was that no one took time off. The nature of our business was too critical.
I called bullshit.
And, because every time I had previously requested time off, I was given a justification as to why it wasn’t a good time. My back was against the wall, as I was teetering between level 2 and 3 at that time on the burnout scale.
When my boss begged me to reconsider, I negotiated. I said I would see the project and the year-end close through. But, that I wanted it in writing from ALL the powers to be that I would get the first 2 weeks off of the New Year without impeding my vacation for that year. That I would carry it over only to use it immediately and not sit to rot on the vine.
After much discussion, all parties with the power to bless my request agreed. I still am dismayed that that conversation even had to happen, almost 15 years later as I reflect back on that moment.
Again, I call bullshit.
On the hyperbole, the narrative, and the nonsense that we all are suppose to buy into hook, line, and sinker.
For when we do, we never unplug. We never create space to rest. We never reset and recharge. Meaning we never are full for ourselves, and thus, have zero overflow to offer others. We are burnt out on top of being burnt out.
We wind and grind, burn and churn, hustle, and sell our very souls just to play the game. We become martyrs, compromising our integrity and our values, just for a shot at the brass ring. The ivory tower.
And, at what cost?
We numb ourselves, doing whatever it takes to “take the edge off.”
We over-consume everything in our addictive and zombie-like fogginess: food, alcohol, porn, social media, drugs, shopping, etc.
Everything becomes a means to quiet down the noise, to drown out the pain, to forget our reality, and to find instant gratification to stop the hemorrhaging and bleeding in that moment.
And, we excuse it. And, we play victim.
We bitch and moan and complain about the circumstances in our lives, yet we hand our power over at every turn. We have a culture that reinforces all the ways we are not enough, and that we are broken.
So, we get sold this bill of goods … where we wind up believing that messaging, and that it we just work hard enough, just sacrifice enough, we will finally be able to collect on our dues.
What we don’t realize is that we are paying into a system that doesn’t have our well-being in its forefront. We are an afterthought, not of real, recognizable value. I mean how many companies operate on the belief that there employees are easily expendable and replaceable?
How many organizations would replace you within a week or a month after you passed away? Or, let’s look at it from a less dramatic lens: How many organization require (or expect) you to give two weeks notice when you decide to leave and move on? And yet, in the same turn will let you go for no reason at all and tell you to gather your things and to leave immediately?
Yet, we give our lives (literally and figuratively) to what?
To a half-hearted promise of financial security, of job security. Only to be let go when a number isn’t hit, or because there is another reorg.
You are expendable.
At least to most companies … despite what they claim. I hear the heads of organizations profess all the time how they are about their people first. Yet, when push comes to shove, people are the last thing they are truly about.
The are about their bottom line and the short-term numbers and gains, not the long-term health and sustainability of their people or the company.
But, we allow ourselves, as a collective society, to get sucked in. There is almost a pride and honor in the notion that no matter how hard and much we can get knocked down, it’s about how many times we get back up and bounce back. We call it resiliency. I call it gaslighting.
Again, we create an addictive cycle.
We believe we deserve it.
We seek it out, unconsciously, because it’s all we know (and, there is comfort in that … even if we are getting the shit kicked out of us regularly). We buy into the empty, hollow promises and the “American Dream.”
When, if you really look at what we are buying into … isn’t it a freakin’ “American Nightmare,” instead?
We easily forget that we are sovereign beings, that we have agency of choice. In fact, part of my work clients in transition is to help them to reassess how they view their job search and the interview process.
I want them to take ownership and remember that they have choices.
Rather than going into the process only being concerned with whether the company likes them or not, I challenge them to recognize that it is imperative that they ask whether they like the company, as well.
For instance, does the company culture align with your core values? Do you even know your core values? Will the work be fulfilling, or is it just another job? Are there ample growth opportunities and funding set aside to invest in your development? Do you feel aligned with the overall mission?
It changes the landscape when you take your power back.
When you are willing to ask the hard questions to ensure that the company is a fit for you first … not the other way around. For, is it a space where you will be able to play at your highest and best capacity?
Because if not, why then would you even consider selling your soul? Why would you run yourself into the ground, sacrificing your own health and wellness, as a result? Why would you stay in an ongoing cycle of burnout?
It’s time to get super honest with yourself: Do you want to fully live your life, or just coexist in your life? Do you want to have to rely on coping mechanisms and addictions to “take the edge off” or do you want to feel the freedom of loving your work, creating both meaning and abundance?
Do you really want to live Groundhog’s Day over-and-over on a never-ending loop, on repeat, or do you want something that makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning filled with curiosity and excitement?
I know for me, I walked away from all of it a little over a decade ago. I made the decision to take my life back, and to take hold of the reins once more.
Has it always been easy? No. Has it been worth it? Yes.
Does burnout still threatened to take me out at times? Yes.
Do I recognize it sooner? Yes.
Do the addictive compulsions still call to me at times when the stress gets high or burnout is looming? Yes.
And, I have different strategies to help me navigate those waters now. I take ownership of my choices. I allow myself space to feel all of it, even the melancholy that is actually part of my wiring, and opens up deeper spaces of creativity for me.
You see, it’s not meant to be a perfect path.
We are here to bump up against our old patterns, our conditioning and programming, and our shadows as part of our Soul Curriculum in order to heal what needs to be healed.
It’s part of our path, part of what helps us live out the fullness of out purpose. And, we are not broken along that path. We are enough just because. There is nothing you need to prove.
It requires nothing more than a choice. The decision to choose you.